Hello New Year

It seems like just yesterday I was ringing in the new year, and already January has almost drawn to an end. Have to be in the studio in another 5 minutes, so here goes a random post, just to kick off 2010 on this page:

- CASTE is still very much a part of the Indian society. I have realised that claiming it exists only because we care to bring it up is not something I believe in anymore.

- Business Reporting can be very interesting, if taught in the right manner.

- I can give up alcohol, but my daily dose of Caffeine- NOT HAPPENING!!

- The hospitality in the state of Rajasthan is unbelievable.

- The 12 days in Barmer is something that will continue to haunt, influence and instigate me for a long time to come.

- Being a student is undoubtedly the best phase of life; but I need a change of scenery!

- My sense of independence and head-strong(ness) sometimes tends to hurt people I care about; should keep a check on that.

- ERASE is a short word, difficult to implement, but I will sincerely try.

"BELIEVE"

In life, it is so easy to succumb to pressure. Sometimes the cause of it is oneself; it is situations we are in, relationships, work, society, an 'image' that we want to live up to or the 'past' that we can not seem to escape from.

It is absolutely essential to gain some perspective, to learn to step back and look at the bigger picture. Life does not offer us too many chances, and to make the best use of the ones that we are given is what makes us wise.

Be your best friend; accept your flaws- learn and yearn to better them. Fight against the tide, do not surrender to the flow of the river, work your way upstream. It is not anyone else who steers the ship; it is YOU!

Life- it is a GIFT! You owe it to yourself to be the best you can, realise it. Please.

Believe in yourself

To the depth of your being

Nourish the talents

Your spirit is freeing

Know in your heart

When the going gets slow

That your faith in yourself

Will continue to grow

Don't forfeit ambition

When others may doubt

It is your life to live

You must live it throughout

Learn from your errors

Don't dwell in the past

Never withdraw

From a world that is vast

Believe in yourself

Find the best that is you

Let your spirit prevail

Steer a course that is true!

-Bruce B Wilmer

It is all in the MIND hun!

"I think; therefore I am"

- Rene Descartes

"The idle mind is the devil's workshop"

- Latin Proverb

"Bandhar kya jaane, adhrak ka swaad!" (only one who truly understands something, can appreciate it)

- Hindi Proverb

This week has given me a lot of time for 'introspection'; not in terms of the person I was or what I have become. [I have changed, and am not going to deny or justify that. It is just something that is] What I spent time thinking about was how one's "mind" can be the most powerful influence. The most amazing companion, your best friend and at the very same time, your worst enemy.

The above sayings emphasize this stark but definite truth. Let me illustrate with an example I am pretty sure most of you can relate to -- in many arguments with your loved ones, you sometimes let go; just so that it does not balloon to disproportionate limits. You do not necessarily feel sorry, you often think it is the other's fault and still you find yourself apologising and making excuses. At times it is the other way around. Simply because fighting leaves either side hurt or upset and mostly because the issue is just not worth it. A typical moment when the dual nature of one's mind shines through brilliantly! That so-called 'inner voice' which knows you do not quite agree with what you are doing or saying, but convinces you for the moment, it is the best option.

Personally, it is my mind that has always proven to be my biggest weakness and my biggest strength. Numerous times it has been my inspiration. When I'm down and out, it forces me to pick up the pieces and march on. The tests that it throws time and again, has taught me that to fear 'falling' is foolish. It is better to train oneself to get back up and carry on. This is much easier said than done; honestly, there have been times when I have said 'enough; the drama just ain't worth it anymore.' And then, just like a best friend should, my mind pops up and gets my feet back on the ground. :)

There is no SINGLE person in this world-- be it parents, siblings, friends or lovers that you agree with and want around you all the time. You need the office hours, the social get-aways, the parties etc. to interact and form other meaningful relationships in life. Times when no matter what your bond with the other person is, you need a break! In the exact same way, there are times when I want to rip my mind right off my head and incinerate it. These are generally moments when I am depressed and all it does is fire out old memories, instances of utter joy, bliss or sorrow, embarrassing incidents [got quite a bit of those ;P] and uncomfortable memories; manipulating your attention to it inevitably! Oh yes, beware, the mind is a super sharp and powerful tool. Something even the toughest thug simply cannot master.

It makes us who we are, trains us to live with ourselves! In short it is:

-M: Magnificent / Moronic

- I: Invigorating / Irritating

- N: Necessity / Nuisance

- D: Dominating / Disturbing

The true Master!

Back after a longggg break...

The number of times I have just wanted to ramble out on a particular topic; only to divert my attention to something else and let it slip by unwritten- innumerable! and that irritates me.

Writing this between a session of editing and production! Love the frantic pace and non-stop nonsense that goes on in television production and hope it never dies.

Yesterday, was out shooting at Kannagi Nagar, a slum relocation unit off Thuraipakkam in Chennai.

The story turned out rather messy because of numerous contradictory angles; so we filmed a couple of vox-pops, conducted interviews for an UPSOT and headed back.

At home, I could not help but reflect at the experience. The settlement was not terrible, but the woes of the residents there- innumerable. I realised that after the first couple of minutes of their cribbing, I had become mildly immune to their accounts of grief.

A tiny part of me also argued that these slum-dwellers had actually been given land with cement roofs overhead, a decent alternative to their earlier accommodation. Therefore, the least they could do was try to make the best of the situation and not just wallow in self pity.

Finished the shoot, dumped the footage and left college. On the way back home, thinking about what had happened, I was left wondering whether a sense of 'detachment' had set in when it came to certain matters on the professional front.

Having visited many such slums, poverty ridden and un-inhabitable areas, had I become mildly de-sensitized to the plight of it's residents? Did their discomfort and sorrow not distress me to the same extent as it had earlier, I pondered.

Drawing an analogy, does a doctor not feel as upset and morose on losing his 35th patient on the operating table as he did when he lost his first; or does frequent occurence act as anesthetic, numbing the human mind.

Does the individual adopt the profession or is it the other way around; I wonder!

The importance of NOW

"I do not yearn the future; nor do I long for the Past.
Both of these options, I believe are escapes from the challenge and sometimes the pain of living in the present.
I thus believe in blooming wherever I'm planted or, more appropriately, regularly replanted.
And so I joyfully try to make do with wherever and who-so-ever I am"
- Farid Esack

This simple, powerful and profound statement confuses me.
On one hand I am so impressed with his clarity and control over the mind and emotions. On the other, I wonder, can living according to these ideals ever be enough? Will it actually feel complete, or does it mean mere 'existence' and not 'living' in the true sense.

The beauty of life lies in the 'memories'. Some that you look back upon with a frown; and certain others that leave you wishing that you could go back to that very moment- wishing it were frozen in time because everything seemed so 'perfect'. The past can never really be erased, no matter how much one wants it to be; and this is one of the most important lessons that we learn in this journey. For me, the most important person in my life can today only exist and breathe inside my head. If complete self control means letting go of this yearning for 'what once was', I doubt it is possible, even for the mentally strongest amongst us.

And looking to the future: dreams, hopes and ambitions- is that not what fuels life and adds meaning to it. Can we be ever be satisfied living like mere fish in the ocean, with no sense if direction, no desire to find out what lies on the outside?

Reality is sometimes wonderful, easy and happy- in the good moments, we often tend to lose a sense of reality, living in a protected bubble. In these times it is the future which brings us the UNCERTAIN, the unprepared for, the struggle; For life cannot always be a bed of roses. In times of distress, when nothing seems to be going right for us, when despair seeps into every pore- the HOPE and PRAYER for a better tomorrow inspires us and takes us through like the flame of a candle in the darkness.

Farid Esack's words however, I cannot choose to ignore. There is so much wisdom and so many years of experience that has gone beyond his thoughts. The vision behind his words inspires and the simple message seems to call out. 'The most important thing is to live in the moment; cherish the life that is now.'

I ask for the sense that enables one to simply strike the balance! :)

Social Networking and the 'E' word

An interesting comment on the relationship between Narcissism and the internet sparked off this post. Also, just a couple of days earlier I had come across an article on net-addiction which will surface later in the blog. Social networking has become as important as any other ‘basic amenity’ for most of us today; one day without Facebook or Twitter and we feel lost, disconnected from the rest of the world.

‘God! I was away this weekend, can’t wait to log in, there is so much catching up to do’, or ‘Listen, my net is down; can you check if somebody wrote on my wall’ have become common elements of conversation. Honestly, I cannot remember how I used to keep tabs on my friends before Orkut or Facebook came along, it seems like so long ago.

This irresistible pull that micro-blogging and social networking has today is much fiercer than say the desire to catch one’s favourite show on TV. Even in college, all that I want to do in between classes is (no, not facebook) go on the internet; and this totally stupefies me because I have always been a person who has ‘hated’ the computer. (It is a strong word, but I actually felt very strongly about this not so long ago). Anything to do with this machine and I would be the last to volunteer; the more the distance between the comp and me, the happier I was.

In Journalism today, CONVERGENCE is the word of the hour; if one is not the jack of all trades (the basics of print, radio, internet writing and television) there is absolutely no room here. This leaves people like me with no option but to look at the internet in a new light, and truth be told it is fairly simple to get hooked on to this world wide web, even if one detests it initially- it is in reality, ‘no rocket science’! :P

After that long intro, down to the details. An acquaintance remarked on the narcissistic nature of social networking sites earlier today. After a lot of thought, I realise that it actually holds true to quite a large extent. Subconsciously, we have all fallen prey to this alter identity crisis.

Narcissism is the feeling of ‘self-love’; it also treads on the waters of Egotism. It is generally used in the negative connotation to signify a sense of superiority over the others. This is propagated to a large extent by each one of us with an account on any SN site.

How many of us can identify with even a few of the following: looking through lots of photos to find the right profile picture, or when someone manages to capture a decent frame during dinner or evening out, running back home and the first thing you do is to upload it that very night? Thinking of what to say on your status message- typing out something only to delete it midway because it simply does not sound right, why does it even matter? Logging in at regular intervals after we have written a note or uploaded a video to check if somebody has commented or even just ‘liked’ it are examples of self-obsession; whether it is a conscious gesture or not.

In a warped way, this ‘publicising’ of our personal lives and intimate details seems to bring pleasure and a certain degree of entertainment to our otherwise drab lives. These online profiles become so much a part of our ‘real’ lives, blurring further the lines between the real and the virtual. The added pressure that we have willingly enslaved ourselves to, is this phenomenon of social networking.

Now, not only do we have to dress, act, behave and conduct ourselves in the right manner in the real world, but it also extends to internet sphere: the right picture, the right people on your friends list, the incessant wall posts to a friend who you meet every day in class or your sister who is just across the hallway in which you have to sound smart and funny. This unhealthy quest for perfection of ‘self’ can be quite disturbing if not restricted.

Sigmund Freud once said that humans are born without a sense of themselves as ‘individuals’, without any ‘ego’. It is during childhood and youth that certain individuals pick up the idea of a perfect self.

Social networking has guaranteed that even the most quiet and naive persons have a sphere to get up and be noticed. It is the instant ‘pep-up service’ in life; it does not matter how terrible your day at work has been, if six friends have ‘poked’ you and three have written on your ‘wall’- the day suddenly seems much better indeed!

Narcissistic in nature or not, social networking has become an integral part of my routine. To keep in constant touch with those who matter to me and to share my every moment with them and vice versa is a feeling that cannot be described. So is this sub-consciously feeding to my ego? Well, I sure as hell hope not ;)

Just :)

We could not wait for the weekends, my sister and I. It meant an absolutely amazing two days of fun, frolic and a little work thrown in as well. To most other pre-teens, the end of the week meant malls, movies, coffee and tons of gossip with friends; to us it was two days of total family bonding; after completing all necessary school work of course; my mother would not spare us otherwise.

My parents would ensure that during the holidays we gave mother a well-deserved break; ordering in or pigging out at a nice restaurant was a definite feature. My father and I were the foodies, my mother and sister would tag along and make appropriate ‘yummy’ noises at all the right times to keep us company. It was a fabulous set up; we loved the meal, enjoyed the drive back with dad’s old Hindi music playing in the background; his off-key singing amused and entertained us. (To this day, every time he sings my face lights up) We grab dessert on the way home. The typical Saturday ended with us either watching television together; or us kids retreating to our room to read, giving the parents some quality time together to catch up and inevitably discuss us.

Sunday afternoons were my absolute favourite- ‘family game-time’. No excuses for absenting oneself were entertained; but that really did not matter, because none of us wanted out of it ever. It was always a post lunch session, after we had helped mother clear out the dishes. Meanwhile, dad would get the living room ready; it was either ‘carom’, ‘spellbound’, ‘monopoly’, ‘scrabble’ or ‘mind trap’. It really did not matter what game we played although we all knew his weakness for a good session of carom; one of the many things in which he was an absolute pro!

And so it would begin, a few hours of high pitched giggling, squealing, chatter, insults and arguments. (Which in hindsight make for some of my most treasured childhood memories and without a doubt my sister’s too)

My mother turned into one of us every time she played; sometimes father complained that she was worse than a teenager- she had this habit of constantly breaking into incessant giggling whenever she missed an easy shot, or one of us did something goofy! Seeing her face scrunch up in delight and eyes fill with tears because of laughing so hard left me glowing inside, that sound of pure glee delighted us every single time; and my father’s mock exasperation only added to the fun! Occasionally, he would see the funny side of the tale and join in on the joke! On such occasions, the four of us- well! It will suffice to say that the neighbours did not have quiet Sunday afternoons for a long time indeed.

Today, I sit thinking of the days that used to be; the years that have sped by at a rapid pace. I reflect on the ‘high’ points of my life- the few achievements and stories of success. It amazes me that though all of these are incredibly meaningful and special, the moments I truly cherish are the ones with no special significance. I rarely even remember birthdays!

It is the times when I have done nothing extraordinary, nothing to write home about- these are tales that might not evoke the any emotion when narrated to or read by someone else; but which define me, make me the person I am on the inside. Times when just like any other family we have laughed, fought, cried and complained; these mean the most.

Those simple moments where I was sitting around doing ‘nothing’- these are the ones that are dearest to my heart; the ones that I will cherish the most: in this wonderful, difficult and challenging journey called Life!